Grandma Story of two sparrows

Many of us would have either read the story of sparrow “chako-chaki” or would have heard from our grandma. Few days back I happen to read a story on a blog wherein wife had shown her love and care for her husband. She had bought some cloth pieces for him and without informing him, she had smartly taken her to tailor. Story had no evidence of husband being telling her to do so. After reading that story, I was not able to stop my hands to type a question to the writer. That question told the story of a wife who silently performed various duties, just reading the mind of husband. But in return her trust was broken by him. She never seemed to be wife to him. A question then came to me, does marriage means shouldering responsibility on only one person’s shoulder?

The writer of that story in reply to my question told me another story. I was expecting some elderly like advice from writer but the first reaction was “divorce”.

All this made me remember that childhood story. Story of “chako-chaki”. The story is “there is a chako (male sparrow) and chaki (female sparrow) use to live on a tree. Chako prepared nest for Chaki to lay eggs. The nest was ready and they use to live together happily. Every day, both use to fly around in search for food. While searching Chako got rice grain, Chaki got dal, they brought that to nest and chaki cooked “khichadi” (details on this on another blog).” By the time she cook food, we would have gone to sleep, isn’t?

One thing I observed in this story is responsibilities are divided between both husband and wife. Male sparrow knows how to make nest and Female sparrow knows how to make that nest of grass a sweet home. Male sparrow while making the nest considers the comfort of his female part and her eggs.  He knows very well that when those eggs will hatch, little ones will come out, they will feed them with all efforts and those little ones will one day fly away. But he will never make a nest which is week or poor. They why humans make poor house? I mean, why do we forget that our responsibility or “karma” is to do best of what we can do. Give our best to others without expecting anything from the other. Isn’t it the preaching of Gita?

But its general human tendency, that we start expecting from others when we give them something. But believe me, you can come out of this. If you try to judge yourself. Yes, we often judge others knowingly or unknowingly. We judge beauty, features, intelligence, income, house, wife, husband, life, kids and what not. But we dont judge ourselves. We dont comment on what we are. The day you start judging yourself you will never seat and comment on your neighbor, Television shows, etc. Because you will find yourself either not enough intelligent to comment or over intelligent.

In either case, commenting on others would not be wise. If you are not enough intelligent, there are chances of getting being defamed by other. And if you are over intelligent, then its your stupidity if you comment on other.

Here the discussion is about the duties a wife and husband should shoulder. So coming to the point. The next thing I observed is, husband brought some food grain, wife brought some food grain and then they cook the food. Responsibility to make house was being shared and now the responsibility to maintain the house is being shared.

In every walk of life, you have to do this. Some times, its husband who would be behaving in stupid manner and some times wife. Both should smartly handle each other at that moment. According to me a couple is who become complementary to each other. Together they are a strength. They should have an understanding of each other, what other likes and dislikes. Some times its necessary to speak and some times its necessary to remain silent. So both should try to understand each others words and silence.

I remember words of Osho about marriage. According to him, marriage should not be there. I request readers to listen his views on marriage. I am truly with his views. But at the same time, I would like to favor marriage, a marriage in which both husband and wife know their responsibility, they care for each other, be complementary and strength of each other, learn good things from each other, be pillar of each other’s life, instead of being enemies. Divorce is not the solution to any situation.

Views on Hanuman Chalisa

A song which contains 40 verse is Chalisa. Any such song containing 40 verses sung for any God/Goddess becomes his/her Chalisa.

In this blog I have listed Hanuman Chalisa earlier. This song has become famous and sung by many people today to get blessings of Hanuman, who is known as the form of lord Shiva, who came on earth to server Rama, the form of Lord Vishnu.

Astrologers today recommend almost all to recite this song atleast thrice a day.

This song is composed of  “Doha” and “Chaupai”. Doha

Duties of Wife

“Bhojeshu Mata, Karaneshu Mantri, Karyeshu Dasi, Shayaneshu Rambha, Kula Darma Patni,”

According to Purana, a Wife is the who cooks food like Mother, She is who gives advices like Minister, She is who is like a Slave in deeds, She is who is like Rambha on bed, She is who follows all this as her dharma is a Wife.

Before you jump into any conclusion, I would like to try to elaborate the meaning of above.

If you have thought that cooking like your hubby’s Mother, ie, adopting her style of cooking and way of cooking will make you wife. I believe you are wrong. The Nature of Mother is to take care of her child. When she is cooking, she will be very careful, she will buy fresh and good vegetables (if vegetarian) or fresh and good meat (if non vegetarian), she will clean them with water, cut them carefully (remove any part which contains worms or damages due to weather, etc), cook them carefully (make sure that the food doesn’t remain uncooked or gets burned).  This is what most of the mothers around the world would do.

But a Smart Mother (not necessarily “Wheel Smart”) will use spices and other ingredients in such a way that it doesn’t spoil your health. So if you are following that normal process of cooking along with your smartness, I would say you are a wife.

Ofcourse, you are the Home Minister, you can command your family members and encourage them to work as per your wish. But this is not related to politics (household politics). If you are involved in this, according to me you are not a wife.

As a Minister, you should keep a watch on your husband’s activities, if he is going to take any wrong decision, which will harm him and family in whole, you should tactfully explain him pros and cons of his decision and help him take correct decision. It is not that always you are correct. So a healthy discussion will help you to know all the situations related to decision he is going to take.

This makes communication between couple very important. This communication should be transparent. Both should be transparent like crystal clear water. If any fact will be kept hidden it will lead into mishap. So wife should be aware of current affairs, she should be aware of any activities taking place around their family. So shall I say she should be like encyclopedia. I am not expecting too much here. But think carefully. If you are Minister, you should be one step ahead in knowledge of every thing (politics, house, current affairs, etc)

Now, if you work for him like slave you are wife. I am sure every woman reading this will kick me. But the term slave here means, not working with force, it here means working from heart, dedication. If you are cooking food for him for the sake of cooking or if its punishment for you to cook, clean floor, utensils, clothes, etc you are not wife. Think logically here, when you are cooking bread, you are required to kneed dough, in this if you feel your fingers get dirty or your nails loose beauty and expect your husband should do it or get some servant to do it. Then for what you are? While eating that bread your fingers or nails dont get damaged then why at the time of cooking? If you can bend down to sweep floor but want to sleep on clean floor, and expect your husband to either clean the floor or get servant, then for what you are? You should be responsible. You should know your duties. You should not run away telling that “I cant do, I have not done at my parent’s house or I dont like to do it or it spoils my beauty”.

Anyone who shows back to their duties and activities, they are not human being. I would here follow Gandhi and stand besides him, for he use to do all his work on his own instead of looking for help or showing back to work for himself.

Hope now the meaning of slave would be clear. Your heart should not tell you that you are slave but it should say its your work, its your duties and you are happy to perform any activity (legally acceptable or genuine activity) for the welfare of your hubby and house.

This last act which I believe most or many of women would be performing with happiness and heart. There would be few who would not like to perform this act or would not be happy. In purana Rambha was a beauty who use to please Gods. She was pictured very beautiful and knew every act to please Gods.  If you are like her then you can be wife.

But I believe, a wife is one who reads mind, feelings of her husband and enlighten her mood. Make her mind ready to please him the way he wishes. Act as he wishes and try to give him maximum happiness. I believe physical beauty is not as important as metal beauty. No matter how much physically beautiful you are but if you avoid to listen to your partner’s feelings, you are not beautiful according to me. If you are not happy to please him or not pleased by him then you are not wife.

I believe I am not required to write more about this topic as I assume people reading this post would be more knowledgeable then me.

In conclusion, I would say, A Wife is one whose dharma (religion) is to take care hubby and house with utmost care, be a good guide and show the path of truth, be happy and ready to do any kind of work for the welfare of hubby and house and bring happiness by pleasing him in all the best possible manner.

Will you marry me?

Let me describe the scene here,

the first instance when boy will see girl who have come to her place, he will look at the FIGURE, if he is fast and smart he will quickly measure her. As if he is going to be her tailor. Then he will turn his eyes and look at other people. But with cross eyes, he will closely measure each and every inch of that girl’s body. Seriously, can’t figure out whether he would like to be his husband or tailor.

Then when they are left alone to talk, share their views. His first question will be

“how are you?” as if he is blind,

“whats your name, though I have read your biodata, it would be good to hear your name from you”,  are you checking whether she remembers her name or not.

“Whats your qualification”. He would have read her qualification in biodata number of times along with her name, but still he will ask this funny question.

“What was your medium of education”, people either study in English or Gujarati (local language of Gujarat).

“How many percentage did you get in your high school, graduation and post graduation if done?” as if he is going to hire her in his office.

“Whats your favorite color?”, if she is going to name the color will you paint your house in that color or color yourself in that color so that she chooses to marry you.

If the girl is working then “where do you work” again a silly question, he would have read her office name number of times and would have discussed about her office with his friends, but as if he is ignorant he will ask the question.

“Since how long do you work there”, seriously there arises a doubt whether, boy wants to give her job or want to marry her.

“Do you know how to cook”, if the girl would say “no” will you become cook for him and if she will say “yes” will you appoint her as cook.

“Will you be able to live in joint family”, now this is a really funny question, his mother would have fought with his father to have a separate house but he wants his wife to live in joint family.

If the girls says “yes” his nerves will be pulled and instantly he will ask “do you think you will be able to manage everyone in the house”, as if he is considering his family members as horrible people and as if he is trying to judge her team management skills. But if the girl says “no” he will instantly ask with a smile on face “do you have any question for me”, as if he would have won the battle.

This is not the case with only boys,

there are girls who ask such silly questions, “whats your name”,

“do you smoke” if the boy says “yes”, she will instantly say, “I hate smokers and a big story of why she hate smokers”, if he will say “no”, she will say “smoking makes a man macho”.And I doubt she knows what it means to be “macho”.

Then she will ask “whats your income”, depending on the figure she will calculate the figure she can get from him for her expenses on clothes, beauty parlor, trips, and many unnecessary expenses. If the income is less all her dreams to rob him will break like a glass and her face will become pale.

All the time looking at his face and figuring out what he is taking note of, if he catches his eyes wandering on her dress,

she will immediately ask “which kind of dress you would like your wife to wear” depending on the answer her facial expressions will vary giving a feel of hot summer, happy winter and wet monsoon.

Finally, if both are through with such silly questions or bored with each other, they will get out of the room and point out each other’s weakness and reject the offer of marriage.

Have you noticed, neither the boy nor the girl asks any meaningful question.

Neither of them took a note of family background of each other, neither of them tried to find what is other’s view about their partner and how honest they are.

All such girls and boys, took note of physical beauty, monetary strength to decide their partner.

I am asking a simple question to such folk….

If you are looking for a person whose earns a big amount of money than your dad earns, so that you can get more money to spend on your unproductive activities, then why are you marring a human being why dont you marry a bank account or an ATM machine or a bank?

If you are looking for a person who can cook for your family, take care of your family members and fulfill your physical desire, do all this in best possible manner then why do you marry to a person from well to do family why dont you marry to a servant or a robot or some angel or some one who is out of this world?

In Short EXPECTATIONto get money from either girl or boy

EXPECTATIONto get physical pleasure

EXPECTATIONto get a wife like mother

EXPECTATIONto get a husband like dad

EXPECTATIONto get a beauty like Miss World or Miss Universe

EXPECTATIONto get a handsome like some Movie Actor

and any such expectation is not marriage.

Marriage is much more than these expectations. Its a special relationship where you open doors of your heart for some unknown person, you live for some unknown person, be part of that unknown person’s life and together bring family and society up. How that is possible?

Like any relationship, marriage also requires you to give some thing and in return (normal human tendency) you need something.

If only one shoulder is taking care of house, house will not sustain. Both male and female should be aware of their responsibilities.

Marriage

Should I put this issue here or should I shut my mouth on this matter?

Instead of beating my mind too hard on this. I would like to put on my views on marriage.

First of all What is Marriage? I believe its an institution which brings two souls together, enrich two culture with each other.

Marriage is also one of the Sanskara, which is listed in Hindu holy books. Marriage is referred as Yagna by such books.  In Hinduism, a person has to perform 16 Sanskara throughout his life. Marriage is a referred as a holy sacrifice being offered to God.

Does this sound strange? But after reading Bhagvada Purana, Gita and going through 16 Sanskara, I learned more rather, true meaning of Marriage.

If we ask most of the people around us, they will reply you looking at your age. I remember few incidents that I want to put here, (don’t worry I will not go out of track)

1) When I was a little kid, I was attending my cousin’s marriage and as per tradition, I was given some bell to ring at certain occasions. But being a child I had no knowledge about what was going on. In an innocent way, I almost asked every elder personally “why do we marry?” and “what is marriage?” But the smart elders either showed me moon or star, ie, they avoided answer with, “when you will grow up you will know?” “Its a ritual everyone have to follow”, “one have to marry in life, you will also marry”

I little had knowledge what they were telling, Were they telling me “we have suffered now it will be your turn”.

2) I was in 12 standard, I was attending my cousin’s marriage, I asked the same old questions and got same answers with some addition “you will soon learn what is marriage, in few years you will have to marry”

This would have happened with all most all of us or with most of us.

How disgusting it is, we throw (sorry if its harsh word) two people, who might be knowing or might not be knowing the correct meaning of marriage, in the institution of marriage. Its not only for marriage, if you look closely, you will learn, many of us are thrown the same way in studies, hobby classes and various activities.

Anyways, coming to the main topic, Marriage, as I said its a Yagna or sacrifice being offered to God. If you have seen Yagna, you would have noticed, a pandit (those who recite sholka, who has to be bhramin by caste, heart and act, more on this in another post) would recite some Mantra/Shloka and offer havi (sacrifice) in fire and then ask groom to put Sindoor in girl’s forehead, put Mangalsutra (a yellow thread or gold thread filled with black beads and finally ask both girl and boy to take 7 rounds of the holy fire. With this ritual you are married.

If you are christian, you go to church, where priest would recite some prayer and you exchange ring and you are married. If you are muslim, priest would recite some notes and will be asked you accept this marriage, when you say yes, 3 times you are married.

In all these process, do we really know what marriage is? Why do we marry?

Do we simply marry to have a physical relationship with our partner? Do we marry because either girl is looking very good or cute or boy is looking smart/dashing/good earning? Do we marry to get a child like some beautiful girl or an intelligent boy?

I think we hardly have any reason to marry. The most common reason we have is to get some partner with whom we can share our physical needs, a partner who can take care of family and social activities, a partner who can earn handsome amount, a partner who is good looking or attractive.

But HONESTLY let me tell you, Most of us are FOOLS when we are marrying rather all of us are fools when we are marrying. We blindly follow the choice which our elders thing are good for us.

Have you tried to peep in the room where girl and boy are asked to meet each other, ask questions and decide whether they would like to marry or not.

Keeping all this drama aside, if we look closely the definition of marriage written in ancient scriptures, its a yagna which two couple performs.  According to Purana, the process of marriage is some thing like this…..

Bride chooses her Mr. Right and the rituals of marriage starts, when it is scheduled. It should be noted here, according to such scriptures, marriage can only be done in certain seasons. More about these seasons in another post. According to ritual, a holy paper will be written containing details related to this marriage and will be placed in temple to get blessings of God. This can be called as “writing of Marriage”. After his process only you can invite your guests.

In ancient days, girl or boy was not allowed to meet, while today they meet each other to understand each other better before Hena is applied or Turmeric is applied on boy’s and girl’s body.

Boy’s family will send Hena to girl’s house along with a Saree called “Chundri”.

Girl’s elders or brother’s wife will apply that Hena on girl’s hands and legs.

In ancient days marriage was 5-7 day process. On each day there will be certain processes being followed. First day would be writing Marriage, Second day would be sending Saree, Third day would be sending Hena, Fourth day would be applying Hena, Fifth day would be donating Saree, gold and money to girl, this donation would come from her mother’s brothers, Sixth day would be doing Pooja (GrahaSanti),  Seventh would be the day of marriage.

In the GrahaSanti, family invite all the 12 Graha or Planets to give blessings to the child and help accomplish the marriage peacefully. In ancient days, there use to be fear of devils or negative energies to disturb the marriage so they use to inviting evils or positive energies.

On the day of marriage the priest or bhraman would lite a holy fire in a “havan kunda” a pot created with bricks made of mud and cow dung and water of holy rivers. In this “kunda” he will place wood of trees which are worshiped and dried cakes of cow dung. He will lite fire in this and keep on adding “ghee”, with this he will add “seasum seeds” and “wheet buds” (unpolished wheet).