Should I put this issue here or should I shut my mouth on this matter?
Instead of beating my mind too hard on this. I would like to put on my views on marriage.
First of all What is Marriage? I believe its an institution which brings two souls together, enrich two culture with each other.
Marriage is also one of the Sanskara, which is listed in Hindu holy books. Marriage is referred as Yagna by such books. In Hinduism, a person has to perform 16 Sanskara throughout his life. Marriage is a referred as a holy sacrifice being offered to God.
Does this sound strange? But after reading Bhagvada Purana, Gita and going through 16 Sanskara, I learned more rather, true meaning of Marriage.
If we ask most of the people around us, they will reply you looking at your age. I remember few incidents that I want to put here, (don’t worry I will not go out of track)
1) When I was a little kid, I was attending my cousin’s marriage and as per tradition, I was given some bell to ring at certain occasions. But being a child I had no knowledge about what was going on. In an innocent way, I almost asked every elder personally “why do we marry?” and “what is marriage?” But the smart elders either showed me moon or star, ie, they avoided answer with, “when you will grow up you will know?” “Its a ritual everyone have to follow”, “one have to marry in life, you will also marry”
I little had knowledge what they were telling, Were they telling me “we have suffered now it will be your turn”.
2) I was in 12 standard, I was attending my cousin’s marriage, I asked the same old questions and got same answers with some addition “you will soon learn what is marriage, in few years you will have to marry”
This would have happened with all most all of us or with most of us.
How disgusting it is, we throw (sorry if its harsh word) two people, who might be knowing or might not be knowing the correct meaning of marriage, in the institution of marriage. Its not only for marriage, if you look closely, you will learn, many of us are thrown the same way in studies, hobby classes and various activities.
Anyways, coming to the main topic, Marriage, as I said its a Yagna or sacrifice being offered to God. If you have seen Yagna, you would have noticed, a pandit (those who recite sholka, who has to be bhramin by caste, heart and act, more on this in another post) would recite some Mantra/Shloka and offer havi (sacrifice) in fire and then ask groom to put Sindoor in girl’s forehead, put Mangalsutra (a yellow thread or gold thread filled with black beads and finally ask both girl and boy to take 7 rounds of the holy fire. With this ritual you are married.
If you are christian, you go to church, where priest would recite some prayer and you exchange ring and you are married. If you are muslim, priest would recite some notes and will be asked you accept this marriage, when you say yes, 3 times you are married.
In all these process, do we really know what marriage is? Why do we marry?
Do we simply marry to have a physical relationship with our partner? Do we marry because either girl is looking very good or cute or boy is looking smart/dashing/good earning? Do we marry to get a child like some beautiful girl or an intelligent boy?
I think we hardly have any reason to marry. The most common reason we have is to get some partner with whom we can share our physical needs, a partner who can take care of family and social activities, a partner who can earn handsome amount, a partner who is good looking or attractive.
But HONESTLY let me tell you, Most of us are FOOLS when we are marrying rather all of us are fools when we are marrying. We blindly follow the choice which our elders thing are good for us.
Have you tried to peep in the room where girl and boy are asked to meet each other, ask questions and decide whether they would like to marry or not.
Keeping all this drama aside, if we look closely the definition of marriage written in ancient scriptures, its a yagna which two couple performs. According to Purana, the process of marriage is some thing like this…..
Bride chooses her Mr. Right and the rituals of marriage starts, when it is scheduled. It should be noted here, according to such scriptures, marriage can only be done in certain seasons. More about these seasons in another post. According to ritual, a holy paper will be written containing details related to this marriage and will be placed in temple to get blessings of God. This can be called as “writing of Marriage”. After his process only you can invite your guests.
In ancient days, girl or boy was not allowed to meet, while today they meet each other to understand each other better before Hena is applied or Turmeric is applied on boy’s and girl’s body.
Boy’s family will send Hena to girl’s house along with a Saree called “Chundri”.
Girl’s elders or brother’s wife will apply that Hena on girl’s hands and legs.
In ancient days marriage was 5-7 day process. On each day there will be certain processes being followed. First day would be writing Marriage, Second day would be sending Saree, Third day would be sending Hena, Fourth day would be applying Hena, Fifth day would be donating Saree, gold and money to girl, this donation would come from her mother’s brothers, Sixth day would be doing Pooja (GrahaSanti), Seventh would be the day of marriage.
In the GrahaSanti, family invite all the 12 Graha or Planets to give blessings to the child and help accomplish the marriage peacefully. In ancient days, there use to be fear of devils or negative energies to disturb the marriage so they use to inviting evils or positive energies.
On the day of marriage the priest or bhraman would lite a holy fire in a “havan kunda” a pot created with bricks made of mud and cow dung and water of holy rivers. In this “kunda” he will place wood of trees which are worshiped and dried cakes of cow dung. He will lite fire in this and keep on adding “ghee”, with this he will add “seasum seeds” and “wheet buds” (unpolished wheet).