Divorce — “What is the end of Marriage?’
This was written on the advertisement posted at the back of an auto.
Today I happen to travel by auto rickshaw. Ahead of my vehicle there was another auto rickshaw which had an above stated ad. It might be some daily soap telecasted on television. The question made me write this.
I agree with the statement “Marriage is the biggest mystery”. I have heard many rather most telling that some times they feel they are in heaven after marriage and every one should to marriage and some times they feel like this is the biggest mistake of their life. All such statements shows that we like when others do what we want and we don’t like when other do what they like which is against our wish.
It is easy to marry anyone wearing faces on your original face but how many days can you keep such make-up on your face?
That ad made me ask them a questions, “what do you think is marriage a deal or contract with expiry conditions?”
I have observed 3 different generations. First generation belongs to the group of 1970’s and 1980’s, second generation belongs to the group of 1990’s and 2000 and third generation belongs to the group who married after 2000. One most important thing to note was the tolerance capacity. In the first generation group tolerance capacity of both men and women was good, specially women. They use to tolerate a lot and their willingness to compromise and adjust was good. Which decreased in the second generation group people and in third generation group people it is at alarming state.
Second thing to observe was “acceptance”. In first generation I had seen that boy’s family members were putting more efforts to make atmosphere homely for the newly wed bride. All tried to co-operate with her or she use to get support from family, some where, some how. Which decreased in later two generations.
Third thing most important of all is “TRUTH and LOYALTY”. There is a drastic and vast difference between third generation group people and the former two groups. Today hardly husband and wife speak truth to each other, they try to conceal their past life or any act which contains controversy. It is seen that mostly couples today are working and either male or female or both find suitable match in their work environment and try to develop relationships with them. We can say family value have become zero. Those who speak of family values hardly know what is family value. I have seen a family where if you ask mother to swear on the name of God and tell who is the father of her kids, I fear the fact which would come out would ruin whole family. Any one can make out that the two child have different face from their parents and can raise this doubt.
To get into relationship is easy but to maintain relationship is difficult. To build a relationship you need to give “space/freedom”, which acts like land. Nourish the plant of relationship with “trust”, “honesty”, “loyalty” and feeling to “do anything for each other”. Both should be able to accept each other in the form they are.
One thing to observe is, life cycle of human being is something like this, birth, childhood (education), teenage(education), young age(job + marriage) and then marry kids and become grandparents.
This has made marriage as an act. Isn’t it? When some thing becomes an act, one will not be able to find interest in it and will not be able to vein responsibility associated to it rather it would be difficult to recognize the responsibility associated with it.
And marriage brings a lots of responsibility on the shoulder of men and women. While writing this one incident comes to my mind.
Example:: I happen to talk with a wife of my friend some 9 months back. She is living with her in-laws and husband. Her husband’s brother live separate in different state. The family is small but still she have complains, “it is boring to work in kitchen, every one have different taste, his family is small… blah… blah…” with “some times I ask myself for this I married? then I tell myself I have married and I should learn to live this life.”
I wished to ask her, “why did you marry?, did you marry him looking at his salary or his looks or brain or family?” very funny, when you have everything in your plate you still complain that you have to eat this or your plate is small or the food is cold/hot or spices are more/less. After hearing this complain and her question “for this i married?” I felt its is good and I should appreciate those who complain after being abused by their in-laws and husband. “how can a full stomach understand the pain of hunger?”
There is no end condition or end to marriage. It is a bond between two souls but exceptions are there. When people make marriage a business then there has to be clause to terminate it, when people make marriage a way to earn money or ATM then there has to be limit to it, when people make strategies for marriage then there has to be a condition of failure with that strategy.
I am totally with Osho on marriage, as it is better not to marry anyone and cheat than to be free and freak with anyone you like, go behind anyone and get involved with anyone till you like and then quit with mutual consent for mutual happiness. And if marriage is a legal approval letter to get physically involved with some one inside 4 walls and then sniff for such pleasure outside 4 walls then I totally disagree with marriage and the marriage system. I even disagree with this system when it becomes an ATM for man to get money from woman, or when it becomes pleasure time for woman where she enjoys, food, lavish life on the money of man.
Divorce papers are just a letter stating that both those who lived under one roof will not be able to live under one roof until they both decide to tear the paper into pieces. I have heard from a lawyer friend that she had solved a case of 75 year old man who wanted divorce from his 72 year old wife. He wished to remarry and he realized at the age of 75 that he can’t live his life with his wife. What you did till 75 years?
It is hard for me to understand the changing meaning of marriage and divorce.