what is worst than loosing everything

I believe all of us would have received this SMS related to Swami Vivekananda, which tells his reply was “loosing the hope of getting things back”.

I feel one one thing is worst than loosing everything, that is “loosing yourself. Loosing “you” within “you”” is worst. As I think that when you loose yourself you loose the confidence and the hope to get things back. Loosing your on confidence on yourself is much more than death. When one dies, his thoughts, his feelings, his body everything dies. But when your confidence on yourself dies, you become like a dead body which knows how to breath monotonously.

You can easily recover from the break-ups or set backs in life but when you loose yourself in the crowd, break-up with yourself , you find it difficult to forgive yourself. You can’t give punishment to yourself, even you can’t show your anger against you. You start cutting contacts with people around you and start digging up in your own world, fighting with yourself.

And when you start turning off from everything, everything becomes meaningless, you doubt on your existence and hate your existence. Your soul finds your body as cage. Nothing soothes you and you wish to quit. But it is difficult to quit as well.

This situation comes when you have kept blind trust on others, when you have bestowed too much of faith on others and when this trust/faith breaks into millions of pieces. When your dreams breaks into millions of pieces and when all the relations around you show their true faces.

Those who loose themselves need support, moral support, a motto to work upon to regain the confidence. Everything in them self is there where it was but they are unable to perform or prove their capability. So the need is to be with them, boost their confidence. They need emotional support as well.

So I believe the worst thing is this world is to loose yourself.

I am lost

Yes, I am lost. Sounds funny!! but its a fact, not only me all of are lost, lost in the race of fame, name, money. Hardly we know ourselves or we understand ourselves or love ourselves. We all are beggars, we don’t love ourselves and in search of love run behind others to give us love, we don’t value our money and run behind money comparing our pockets with others’ pockets.

When I seat and look back I see myself the most happiest person in the world. How happy I was collecting tadpoles, butterflies, flowers and make paper boats in rain, how happy I was racing with passing by scooter, on my little bicycle. How happy I was eating chocolates, swinging and playing in mud. How happy I was running behind rabbits and puppies. How happy I was climbing mango trees, collecting raw mangoes and eating them. How happy I was breaking rules and going far from home alone on bicycle. I was enjoying life at fullest. I had no worries, no tensions, I use to sing merrily and dance freely.

But those eyes which were not happy to see this happiness told that I grew up. I need to behave maturely. There were lots of restrictions and orders which I was made to follow. I was given targets and goals, which I had to achieve at any cost. And then life took an unexpected twist, I was asked to marry. I was asked to focus on one person, listen to one person, centralize on one person and devote my life to that person.  In all this I lost myself.

The famous Gazal of Jagit Singh comes to my mind, please return me back my those old days of childhood, rainy water, paper boats, friends, chocolates, and my life.

We all say kids are cute and loving, do we observe and note that they are cute and loving because they are innocent. But we can’t say this for adults. As we grow up our hearts fills with cheating and we become cunning, we become self centered and think of how to get our goal to earn more money, fame and name. If you are donating 1 Rupee to a beggar you will make sure others take note of it. If you are going to donate some thing in hospitals or orphanage, we make sure we let others know about our deeds. Many people make sure that their pics come in news paper. Today internet is best way to get globally recognized and so such people make sure that they get recognized globally and even bring foreign funds by showing their deeds.

Should we do such things earn name, fame and money? At the end of our life will we be taking our name, fame or money with us? Will we need name, fame and money where we will go after death? We run like mad behind all these things but what we get, after we achieve a target of some X amount of salary we look for more salary, once we have more salary we look for name, we want people to move around us, once few people will start moving around us we will need more and more people to know us and run behind us. But in this race, every where our soul is not happy may be our heart would be happy.

I listened to my soul and cut all the clutches of name, fame and money. I make sure I enjoy the time with birds singing around me, flowers blooming around me, cool breeze of the morning, fleet of birds, without noticing others, i jump into puddles and enjoy rain, without taking care of being noticed I donate, I save lives of birds, animals and pamper trees.

I don’t care if people think me mad, I still at this age hold puppies in arms and play with them. I don’t think whether it is good or bad to hold kittens or play with cats, I simply spend time whenever I get chance to be with kittens.

I don’t care if people say I am crazy I stop by to take pictures of clouds, flowers, birds, sun, moon and stars. And when I do this, I really feel I am happy, alive and near to God.